how do you fall out of love is it like falling out of bed because i can do that
i know it’s not tmi tuesday but
i just turned around and looked at my poop
thought ‘shit, man’
and laughed so hard i couldn’t breathe
THE VEIN IN MY TEMPLE IS BEATING SO HARD THAT I THOUGHT MY HEAD WAS FINALLY TIRED OF MY SHIT AND WOULD LEAVE ENTIRELY
“sitting on the computer”
what a strange phrase
who thought of it and why did they think it made sense
yes i understand what that means, teacher
you do not have to repeat it ten times
just print it down so i don’t forget what to write in order not to fail
one time i woke up at like 7am in the morning one summer
and it looked really bright out
like the sun was rising the wrong way and i was really scared
i woke up my entire house crying preparing them for the apocalypse and they believed me
it took us an hour to realize we were just idiots
when i die, i don’t want it to be in a hospital
i want to be in a small house or cottage in the middle of nowhere. in the woods, a field, anywhere but in suburbia or the city. i want it to be silent except for the wind or the chirps of crickets and birds. it doesn’t matter which season. it could be as wet and new and spring, as sweltering and green as summer, as dry and colorful as autumn, or as cold and quaint as winter.
i want to be on my porch, my living room, in my bed, and just close my eyes. i want to look out the window and remember why i loved being alive.
and then i’ll be gone.
when someone reblogs my tags i get really happy
like you don’t even have to put them in the text post you can just reblog them as your own tags and i’m happy
sometimes i forget that this awesome person is following me and as a result, i don’t reply or like their personal posts because i don’t want to be creepy.
but then they reblog something of mine and then a well of regret and guilt washes over liKE WE COULD HAVE BEEN BONDING BUT THEN ME DUMB
wouldn’t it be neat if everyone was born with their own instruction manual? like, oh, Sam is crying, turn to page 8. and then there’s everything you need to make them feel better right there.
i was taking down orders for a guest and i recognized the guy ordering but couldn’t remember his name so i took a guess and said “dean!” and he said no his name was Tom but he was the dean of my college i’m gonna cry
sometimes i like to invent situations in which i’d be all sexy and suave. sometimes they include dirty talk and this is how it’d go.
i’d like to go down on you
well because you’re handsome
and you’re pretty fly
for a white guy
i couldn’t remember what “dirty talk” was called so my brain substituted it as “sexy talk” instead
i haven’t eaten healthily in so long that i’m actually really excited to eat this salad
okay so nerdy guys are always on about how they want a girl that’s nerdy too and into video gaming or cards or w/e
but that’s what i have you guys for okay you’re all i need in that department
i just want someone to talk about psychological and sociological things with and that will let me force them to the couch/bed and allow me to hug them whenever i want whilst i mutter “you’re so waaaaaaarm and cuuuuuuuuute”