Contact: nykollenyx@gmail.com
Things I like:
The Social Network, BBC Sherlock, Supernatural, Glee, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Pokemon, Naruto, Ookiku Furikabutte, The Avengers, Disney, Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, Aitsu no Daihonmei, The Amazing Spiderman, The Hunger Games
These Lovely Ladies, Andrew Garfield, Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Misha Collins, Jesse Eisenberg
.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad."
oh my god
EXCUSE YOU!?
Good fucking lord
genetic engineering is destroying strawberries
wait a dang minute
The hips boys
Its all the hips
Anyone with nipples would enjoy this gif
Excuse me,watch your nipple privilege
jesusfuck
I don’t know where this is from, but…
Between this and that Toyota commercial-
Man, I hope genderfuckery of this highly attractive magnitude just INVADES popular media until privileged heteronormative cismen who unthinkingly dominate the world around them through objectification of women and shaming of homosexuality are forced to think.
Forced to think because when they see an attractive ass in panties, they can no longer instinctively flap their dicks at it and say, “I’d own that” without having to think about gender or sexuality. Torn between their habit of reflexively objectifying women and gay-shaming themselves and others, they would have no choice but to open their eyes a little wider and actually think about the people they share the world with instead of living in a neverending reel of imagery that reinforces a narrow reality where they are king.
hhnnnngh
Still no idea what this is all about, but holy fuck, keep them coming.
One day I will stop reblogging pictures of glitter dicks.
I wanted you all to meet Nyan’s abs. He has a tendency to think he’s getting fat. Prove him wrong dudes.
