I LITERALLY JUST SPIT WATER ALL OVER MY SCREEN
i changed the settings on my moms phone so that when she types my name it changes to ‘my favorite child’ and when she types a swear, it changes it to something more family friendly
so my mom and i were baking and i decided to bake something for my boyfriend
but then my mom saw it and i was like “shit” but she just said “that’s really ugLY I CAN DO WAY BETTER” AND
THEN SHE DECORATED THEM AND LAUGHED REALLY HARD B/C OF THE “REALISM” OF THE GOOEY PAPER AND TOOK LOTS OF PICS AND SENT TO GRANDMA AND DEMANDED SHE TELL HER WHICH ONE WAS THE PRETTIEST
oh my FUCKING GOD
why are you dicking around???
yoU PIECE OF SHIT
MY MOM DECIDED THAT SINCE I FUCKING HATE CLEANING THE LITTERBOX FOR MY DUMB CATS SHE’S ACTUALLY MAKE ME A FUCKING LITTERBOX CAKE. THIS IS A FUCKING CAKE. THOSE ARE SLIGHTLY MELTED TOOTSIE ROLLS. THOSE ARE LOTS OF COOKIE CRUMBLES. BUT IT LOOKS FUCKING REAL. I ATE THIS IN A RESTAURANT. I RECIEVED WORRIED STARES FROM OTHER PATRONS AS I FEASTED UPON FUCKING CAT POOP. MY BABY SISTER REFUSED TO LET ME EAT THE TOOTSIE ROLLS BECAUSE SHE WAS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CONVINCED IT WAS POOP, SHE RIPPED IT OUT OF MY HANDS AND THREW IT BACK IT THE PAN.
"SISSY!" SOMEONE WAS LOOKING ON HORRIFIED AS SHE GRABBED THE DISTURBING LOOKING CANDY OUT OF MY HAND. "DONT EAT POOP SISSY!"
a li tter box cae k„
congratulations on turning 91
Robert Downey, Jr. consoles a young boy in tears because Iron Man isn’t in his costume.
… I don’t know who looks more distraught: Downey or the kid
"oh no I let it down, what am I, who am I, I’m a fraud"
no no i think robert downey jr. is also just now realizing for the first time that he isn’t iron man
Police K9 jumps car to take out shooter
U GO PUPPERS
The Most Beautiful Trees in the World
- Portland Japanese Garden, Portland, Oregon. Photo by unknown.
- Red maples trees path. Photo by Ildiko Neer.
- Most beautiful wisteria tree in the world. Photo by Brian Young.
- Yellow autumn in Central Park, New York. Photo by Christopher Schoenbohm.
- Amazing Angel Oak Tree, Charlston, Photo by Mark Requidan.
- Cherry blossom tree path, Germany. Photo by Shoeven.
- California in autumn. Photo by Mizzy Pacheco.
- Jacaranda trees in bloom, South Africa. Photo by Falke.
- Ponthus beech tree in Brocéliande forest, France. Photo by Christophe Kiciak.
- Beautiful cherry blossom road. Photo by unknown.
It’s like a fantasy land.
my drunken need to show affection finds a new outlet
Rihanna - Diamonds [Acoustic]
赤い糸 by こたこ
ADVANCED HAPPY BIRTHDAY NARUTO!!! ｡◕‿◕｡
Robert threw a big birthday party for Susan last night in San Francisco at Cavallo Point, complete with fireworks and a birthday cake
wuts the joke here?
Sylveon evolves with affection, but Umbreon evolves with friendship. After having sex the Umbreon realized she only liked the Sylveon as a friend, which is disappointing for the Sylveon, because he feels much more strongly than her.
The joke is heartbreak.
this is the best thing. ever.
Eren & Armin + haven’t you ever heard of a fucking jinx